okay so i have alot going on in my life right now. in school im doing great i mean i have really good grades i just got done with the most stressful thing in high school...the research paper. the paper everyone dreads in high school. thank god im done with it and i dont have to deal with it anymore. and Algebra 2 with trig. ain't that bad either. so school is pretty cool right now i just cant wait to get the hell out of decatur high school. yes! only the rest of this year left lol. and as for colorguard...lets just say that the drama is never gonna end till colorguard ends. come on you have 11 girls in one field for what seems like never ending hours! how can anyone expect for there not to be drama? And not to mention it was more than just 11 girls but then shelley, alex, victoria, judy, and jasmine quit. Even hannah gillman one of the most talented girls in guard quit. and cassie, marie, and breanna are on the verge of quitting. you'd figure the instructors would have something to do about like oh i dont know chill out a little bit! they over work us and then not to mention all the girls like to do in colorguard is bitch and moan about all the crap they put us thru and that makes other guard members pissed and then they bitch and all of a sudden become two faced and start drama like little pathetic immature cry baby sons of bitches. lol its kinda funny at the same time tho i must admit.
and marie got her solo taken away due to her bad attitude ??? i never noticed a bad attitude in marie. and now i have the solo. and honestly i think cassie is a little pissed off about that... but i dont care. not trying to sound like a bitch but i did deserve the solo alot more than cassie did. and so yeah colorguard is... pretty fucking amazing. lol. but also really stressful. especially if your dealing with heartbreak like me. but i know i shouldn't complain about it cuz alot more ppl have it worse. i mean my best friend delia lost a brother july 2007 and she's been thru
ALOT more as well. Dang i should have killed her ex boyfriend while i had the chance!! lol. i admit she's strong...very very strong. the strongest person i know. even ppl that know about everything tell me personally that she's the strongest person they know. she's amazing to have been able to put up with it and she knows God is with her to help her through it. okay one more thing i have to say about it...
FIFTEEN YEARS AIN'T ENOUGH!!! lol. okay so my friend just called my friend daniel queer. haha Delia ur gay! okay so now to proceed with the main problem...my ex. okay so we were doing great for about a year and a half. i mean sure we had our problems i would do what any other girl would do and throw my uber bitchy fits. and yes i admit i was wrong and i shouldnt have done it and we broke up a crap load of times. you know those "we're over!!" okay 5 seconds later "im sorry i love you we're not over" lol it was just stupid childish behavior i had. and it was about two months ago when it happened. we broke up. i thought it one of those times again but it turns out it wasnt. he left me for good. i mean i broke up with him but he actually left. in a way looking back at my behavior i dont blame him. if he wants nothing to do with me then dont...it will hurt me but as much as it does i cant do anything about it. i mean its up to him. not just me. but yeah anyways, he left and then it hit me. of course you may already know what hit me...yes yes depression. i called him and asked him out numerous of times and i cried what felt like all my tears. i cried to a point where i literally felt i couldnt take it anymore. i wanted to end what i once thought of as a pathetic life. i wanted it over. i didnt want to go thru that pain again. and i sure as hell didnt want him to go thru that pain. i wouldnt doubt it if he did while we were dating. i was horrible. and as much as i want to take it back i cant. i love the hell out of him and i wont forget him but what can i do? anyways, while under depression i would call him (yeah not the smartest thing to do) and cry and he would get annoyed and tell me things ive never in life heard him say to me like "shut the hell up" "fuck off" leave me alone" and stuff like "im blocking ur number" and i would say usually say something pathetic like "i love you" and "please dont do this" well anyways i was put through alot and all my friends kept telling me that if i just let him go and stopped calling him then everything would be fine and ill get something good in return. so after days maybe weeks of convincing me i did. i just let him go. cuz while i was in an emo state he would hang out with me every once in a while and kiss me and make me feel like he wanted me back and for what? for nothing ill tell ya lol. he didnt take me back. so anyways, i left him alone and a week ago he called me. two days later we started texting each other. just as friends and then this past sunday we talked on the phone ...for an hour and 22 minutes lol. so what if i know the exact time delia!!! gosh!!! and after talking as friends he wanted to hang out okay we both did. so we did. it was fun we watched big daddy and then it came. he told me he loved me and that he still thinks of our future and that he wants me and only me and he told me i shouldnt worry about any other girl cuz im all he thinks about. he called names i havent heard in a long time such as baby and princess. God!!! he said so many amazing things ive been dying to hear. and then after hangin with him he told me he'd call me that night. well guess what? he didnt. lol. actually i havent heard from him since. and its wednesday if i do believe. so i dont know what to do anymore im confused and yeah my life sucks no no wait...love in general sucks. lol. ill update later about the situation and what not.
